Healing the Idol of Approval: Living Free from Performance
Letting Go of Striving and Embracing the Unconditional Love of God
Have you ever stepped into a role with a pure heart, eager to serve, only to discover that the environment around you was far more complex than you expected? At first, everything seems fine—but then you start noticing the subtle undercurrents. People striving to be noticed, withholding information, or positioning themselves in a better light to appear more competent.
Slowly, the unspoken culture begins to surface, and you realize there’s a Spirit of performance at work—one you unknowingly start to yield to. The familiar patterns creep in, working through unhealed parts of your heart that you thought were dealt with. Before you know it, you’re striving again—not just to succeed, but to be affirmed, noticed, and deemed "enough."
It’s a sobering realization: you’ve fallen back into a place you were once free from…or so you thought.
For years, I didn’t realize how deeply I craved approval. I wore it like armor, thinking it protected me when in reality, it weighed me down. My worth felt tied to how well I performed, how much I achieved, and how well I conformed to the expectations of others—especially growing up as a kid and then eventually within the 4 walls of the church.
It wasn’t until my husband and I left a church with unhealed leadership and performance-driven systems that I began to see it for what it was: the idol of approval and performance.
Leaving that church was one of the hardest decisions we’ve ever made. But what followed—this journey of inner healing—has been one of the most freeing and transformative seasons of my life.
The insights I’m sharing today come from a class I recently took called Become Healthy, Lead Healthy through Revive The Way Apostolic Ministry. It’s been a lifeline for my husband and I as we transitioned out of the old wineskin way of doing “church” and into the new thing that God is doing. (But that subject is for another post)
God led us through a journey of untangling the deep roots of performance and approval-seeking habits that were planted long before we even realized they existed.
When Approval Becomes an Idol
In the class, we discussed how some of the “bad fruit” in our lives—burnout, insecurity, shame, and striving—comes from deeper roots of wounding. For me, one of those roots was the idol of approval.
Approval can feel harmless, even healthy. Who doesn’t want to be liked, accepted, or valued? But when approval becomes an idol, it stops being a gift and becomes a taskmaster.
The idol of approval doesn’t shout; it whispers. It doesn’t demand; it convinces. It says:
“If you just try harder, you’ll be enough.”
“If they don’t notice you, you must not matter.”
“Your worth is tied to your performance—keep proving yourself.”
“If you work a little harder, they’ll see you.”
“If you give a little more, you’ll finally matter.”
“If you don’t meet their expectations, you’re failing.”
And so we strive. We perform. We wear masks to keep up appearances. But deep down, we feel empty because idols can never give what only God can provide: unconditional love and acceptance.
The subtly trap of approval often starts innocently, especially in the church, where service and selflessness are seen as virtues. But when the culture shifts from serving out of love to serving to be valued, the line blurs.
In some church cultures, covert performance systems make this idol thrive. Leaders may unintentionally perpetuate cycles where approval is tied to what you bring to the table rather than who you are in Christ. Statements like “We’re looking for faithful servants” or subtle favoritism toward those who “go above and beyond” can fuel the pressure to perform.
The need for approval becomes a silent competition: Who’s the most devoted? Who’s the most reliable? Who will do whatever it takes to please leadership?
When I looked back on my experience, I realized how much of my identity had been wrapped up in what I did instead of who I was. This was the cycle I lived in, and it left me exhausted and spiritually empty.
The Roots of Performance
Through the class, I learned that this idol often grows from unhealed places—wounds from childhood, church experiences, or relationships where our worth felt conditional. For me, leaving the church we had invested so much in brought these wounds to the surface.
I realized that much of my performance was rooted in fear:
Fear of being overlooked.
Fear of disappointing others.
Fear of being deemed unworthy.
These fears weren’t just personal—they were reinforced by a system that valued output over authenticity, numbers over nurture. But here’s the truth God has been showing me: I don’t have to earn His love.
The Fear of Man vs. the Fear of God
Scripture speaks directly to this struggle. Galatians 1:10 asks:
“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
When we prioritize the approval of others—whether it’s leadership, peers, or even ourselves—we create a fear of man that supersedes our fear of God. Proverbs 29:25 warns:
“The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.”
The fear of man is a trap. It convinces us that our worth is something to be earned through performance, but God’s love doesn’t work that way.
The Journey to Healing
When we left the church, I felt lost but also very relieved. Like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. That’s when I began my journey of inner healing, which included the class Become Healthy, Lead Healthy.
One of the first lessons I learned was this: Approval is not a measure of my worth; it’s a distraction from it.
God’s unconditional love began to break through the lies I had believed for so long:
“You are not what you do.”
“Your worth is not tied to your performance.”
“You don’t need to earn my love. You already have it.”
The more I surrendered my need for approval, the more I began to understand grace—not just intellectually, but experientially. Grace isn’t something we earn; it’s a gift we receive. And God’s love is not conditional.
Breaking Free from Performance
Freedom from the idol of approval doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process of unlearning lies, healing wounds, and embracing truth. Here are a few steps that have been crucial for me:
Identify the Lies: Ask yourself, What have I believed about my worth? For me, it was the lie that my value was tied to how much I achieved and how well I performed.
Recognize the Root: Where did those beliefs come from? Was it a toxic church system? A painful relationship? A critical voice from the past? Identifying the root helps you bring it to God for healing.
Replace Lies with Truth: Scripture is clear about who we are in Christ:
“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” (Ephesians 2:10)
“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!” (1 John 3:1)
You don’t have to prove your worth—it’s already been declared.
Guard Against Performance Culture: Whether in church or life, be mindful of systems that prioritize doing over being. Seek spaces and relationships that affirm your identity in Christ, not your output.
Questions for Reflection
If you’re wrestling with approval or performance, take some time to reflect:
Where in your life are you striving for approval?
How have performance-based systems shaped your view of God or yourself?
What lies about your worth is God inviting you to surrender?
How can you begin embracing grace in this area of your life?
An Invitation to Freedom
The idol of approval or performance doesn’t have to rule your life. You don’t have to keep striving, performing, or exhausting yourself to feel worthy. In Christ, you are already enough.
If this resonates with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Have you experienced the weight of performance in your faith or life? How has God been leading you toward freedom? Hit reply or share in the comments—I’d love to start a conversation and walk this journey together.
Let’s encourage one another to live free from performance and fully rooted in the unconditional love of our Creator.
With love and grace,
Jessica